Being vulnerable is not something that comes naturally, at least not to me. But as I have been in a relentless pursuit of self-improvement over the last 9 months, I’ve realized my pain, suffering, and growth have the potential to help others.
I separated from my husband in November of last year, and my daughter and I moved to Oregon. In February, as I was coming to terms with my decision to file for divorce, and navigating life as a single parent who was completely starting over, my mother was diagnosed with cancer.
I had never known that kind of pain. I was mourning the loss of my marriage; the death of the dream I had for our life and our family. And to face it while also fearing for my mother’s life, I broke. Life brought me to my knees and I knew I wasn’t going to get through all of it without feeling it.
Vulnerability. Asking for help. Showing emotion. They all equated to weakness. I have always cared for people, but I have been so detached from my own feelings, for the last 23 or so years, I never had the capacity to have true empathy. There are people in my life who have known me for years, but they’ve never really known me. I’ve always had a nearly impenetrable wall, that I don’t think anyone had ever successfully made it to the other side of.
But now, because of what I’ve been through and the work I’ve done on myself, I have cultivated much deeper relationships with my clients, my friends, and my family.
We all have trauma. It doesn’t matter how it compares to others. If it’s causing you pain, if it’s causing you to suffer, it’s real.
I want you to know that I hear you. I see you. I feel you. You will get through this, and you will get through the next obstacle life throws your way. And you will keep getting up and keep getting through it. And I am here, fighting the same fight with you.
"Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerability is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy - the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light." - Brene Brown
Stay strong my friends, and shine bright.